Prudhomme proclaims innocence, blames steak for positive COVID test

Tour de France race director Christian Prudhomme formally requests testing of his B-sample after initial results show traces of coronavirus, resulting in his expulsion from race.

By MATT LAYMAN

Prudhomme’s positive test was revealed following routine virus controls conducted during the Tour de France’s first rest day.

“I am stunned and saddened by this news, but I assure my fans I have done nothing wrong,” he told the Gruppetto Gazette.

Vowing to clear his name, an emotional Prudhomme reasserted his commitment to clean cycling.

“No-one has done more to make this a clean Tour than I have – I wash my hands constantly, I sneeze into my elbow, I even clean my groceries with anti-bacterial wipes.

“There is only one logical explanation for this: the steak I had in the Pyrenees.

“They have different rules in Spain, where they pump their livestock full of coronavirus to make them more tender, so that must be it, nothing else makes sense.”

Prudhomme’s statement comes after the World Health Organisation confirmed that COVID-19 cannot be transmitted by chimeric twins in utero.

In keeping with UCI guidelines, Prudhomme has been removed from this year’s Tour.

Meanwhile, as-yet-unconfirmed reports of historical COVID positives continue to filter through, with revelations by a former team masseuse that she was pressured by a high-profile rider to cover up a positive result in the 1999 Tour de France.

“We all knew he had a runny nose and scratchy throat, but I was told to back-date a prescription for cough drops.”

The investigation is on-going, with a final report expected some time after the statute of limitations expires.

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