Bramati Formally Sanctioned by Pickpockets Union Over Evenepoel Crash Incident

Deceuninck-QuickStep directeur sportif Davide Bramati has been issued with a “show cause” notice by the International Union of Pickpockets (UPI) after vision emerged of the Italian relieving fallen rider Remco Evenepoel of a bottle of magic powder following his crash in Il Lombardia.

By GREG MON OMMENNA

“The first rule of pickpocketing is not to get caught – simple as that,” said UPI spokesperson, Art Dodger III.

“Unfortunately, Mr Bramati has shown flagrant disregard for this rule by choosing to pick Mr Evenepoel’s pocket in full view of an international television audience.” 

UPI spokesperson Art Dodger III (second left) demonstrates correct pickpocketing technique for Bramati’s benefit

This is not the first time the professional peloton has run foul of the powerful union.

In 1993, the UPI opened proceedings against Italian cyclist Roberto Gaggioli, who was accused of stealing a panettone from the hotel room of Lance Armstrong following the Million Dollar Race.

More recently, German sprinter Marcel Kittel was sanctioned for pinching a stage of the 2017 Tour of Abu Dhabi from Australian flyer Caleb Ewan after Ewan started began to celebrate before crossing the line.

“It’s these sort of actions that tarnish the name of pickpockets everywhere. 

“We will not stand idly by as our profession is brought into disrepute,” said a furious (if a little handsy) Mr Dodger.

In unrelated news, this journalist is now missing a watch.

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